INTERLOPERS @GRANDMA'S

Being a friendly sort of fellow I like to stay with the folks sometimes, you know spread the fluff about a bit and blag a bit of chicken. On my latest stop off I spotted this picture of a couple of interlopers called Spock and Kitty (someone must have blabbed about the chicken). What really confused me is why a pretty cute white dog would be called Kitty? Maybe her humans meant to get a cat and only realised when she got big that they had made a rather long legged mistake? Who knows humans are pretty strange at the best of times.

TRAINING THE HUMANS

I'm worn out, I've been spending a lot of time trying to train the humans and sometimes they are just impossibly dim. Now even pups know that bells mean 'space invaders' and that requires barking and general alarm signals all round. My humans however ignore all bells except the rather annoying one on the cooker, which gets them jumping around/falling over me/cursing-steam-general panic and mayhem. Weird or what!

In other areas things are progressing nicely, they now respond well to my single loud bark which means please give me a drink/biscuit/get my ball down from the window sill. I also have regular lap space in the evenings but I'm still not able to train them to let me sleep on the bed. Although I do have my own folded up duvet on the floor which is pretty comfy and at least nobody squashes me when they roll over.

So my message to all dogs out there waiting to be rescued is don't give up hope and when you do get new humans train them carefully and whatever you do don't bite them however dim witted they are. With a little patience they will give you years of love and good grub.

If you have any questions on training leave me a comment and I will try to help.

Dance practice

Best foot forward, one two three, one two three. Tricky this dancing, counting one two three when you've got four legs to move!

America's got talent

Been watching America's got talent and I thought wow I could do that, so I went out into the garden for my first practice today. I have to say it didn't seem to go down very well with the humans. I suppose I shouldn't really be suprised it's hard to educate them in the finer things of doggy life. Anyway I will keep practising my best Poochini arias in the hope of making the Big Apple for the next series!

Wooooooooooof.....................

DO DOGS HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOUR?

YUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE POODLE SONG

If I had a poodle, I'd poodle in the morning
I'd poodle in the evening, all over this land
He'd bark out the danger, he'd bark out a warning
He'd bark out the love for bones and balls and biscuits
All over this land.

woof woof oo oo !!!!!!!

(thanks Charlie for allowing me to post to your blog, I can't let you have all the fun).

ANTI SOCIAL SECURITY

Now some readers will know that I take my job as security guard quite seriously. So with this in mind when we stopped off at the garage the other morning on the way to work and my male human left his keys in the car with me in it, I thought I'd better do something about it (after all I didn't want anyone stealing the car with me in it). So first I tried barking at him in my best you'd better listen type bark, then when that didn't work I had a idea - why not lock the doors - brilliant no one could steal it then. Now I can see that you might spot the problem with this clever wheeze, easy peasy to push the button down with your paw but much trickier to use the door handle to unlock the door with an irate human the otherside unable to go to work!!

Well they tried various tricks to get the door open, the best one proved to be phoning the female human to bring the spare keys. Anyway as you can see I'm now keeping a low profile and will be keeping my fluffy bright ideas to myself (at least till the next time).

KEEP MOVING

I thought I was just going to watch while she cleaned the bath, the next thing I know she'd grabbed the plastic apron and dropped me in it (most undignified). Shampoo everywhere, water everywhere and you should have seen the colour, yuk. I must admit however that my coat does scrub up rather well and I am now a rather glossier black than I was before. Strange isn't how black goes grey when it's grubby.

SPRING CLEANING

When I heard the humans talking about spring cleaning this morning I didn't realise they meant me!

STRANGE DOG IN THE GARDEN

Spotted this strange dog in the garden this morning, so I thought I'd better check him out.

Bit of a strange fellow, no smell to speak of and a bit cold and stand offish!

THE VIEW ON MY MORNING TROT!

 

CRUFTS - WOT NO POODLES!

I've been watching a bit of Crufts this weekend and usually there's quite a few poodles around, not this time, practically no coverage (don't know what's happening but I hope I haven't gone out of fashion). I've always considered myself to be a pretty hip and happening sort of dog, trendy shaggy haircut and all that sort of thing (slightly grey and rather distinguished beard). It terrifys me to think I may no longer be where it's at.

The dog who won seemed like a decent enough sort (bit over primped for my liking, but I don't suppose that was his choice) and it sounds like he is being retired from the show ring and you know that can only mean one thing - Fabulous Willy is going to get TO USE his Fabulous Willy!!!!!!

Good luck to him I say.

NEVER BITE OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW

I'm finding this recycling lark quite tiring, the humans gave me this to chew up into small pieces so they can use them to light the fire. The tube was a yard long when I started out and I can tell you it's jolly hard work. Okay I suppose I've had a bit of fun dragging it about and jumping on it so it rolls away, but on the whole it's just rip, rip, rip. Good job I've kept my knashers in good nick.

SLOW LEARNERS

I've been trying to teach the humans how to play a very simple game called 'fight me for the biscuit'. They are such slow learners, it's a really simple game - they throw the biscuit, I leap on it and toss it about a bit then they have to try and get it back but because I'm a super fast poodle they always loose. Now you have to admit it's not too complicated but they just don't seem to understand the concept, they stand around saying stupid things like "perhaps he's not hungry" or "he'll eat it when he's ready". What dimwits the fun is in the fight which I always win. Yesterday I even resorted to rolling on my back barking with the biscuit next to my nose (just in case they made a quick grab) and all they did was laugh and call me a crazy poodle!!

Oh well I suppose you can't win 'em all.

Wags Charlie

Dog Borstal

I can't believe that any programme maker could be so irresponsible as to make 'Dog Borstal'. I watch in amazement as they wreck the training that dogs have worked so hard on. Humans are difficult to train at the best of times without interfering busybodies undoing all our hard work!

Dogs unite in protest give them some paws for thought. We mustn't take this lying down, perhaps we should start a petition for the number 10 website. Let me know is you have any doggy thoughts.

Today's training advise is demonstrated above, if your humans are over zealous in playing fetch simply confiscate their toy and head for the nearest sofa.

TOP DOG

Well guys it may have taken me a while to get round to it, but I think it's time for an update. I never really saw myself as a working dog, you know the smart haircut and all that fussy stuff (more of a dive through a hedge and into a puddle sort up till now), however the new folks are accountants so I get to hang out at the office a fair bit and wow before long I was guarding the door and of course that soon led to a client relations role as principle meeter, greeter and chief sniffer dog. It's a breeze and the tips are great and I'm even doing my bit towards global warming by recycling any scraps before they reach the bin!

I do find the computer stuff gets a bit tiring towards the end of the day and a nap is advisable between office rounds. If any dogs out there have jobs they enjoy please post a comment.

Sundays roast chicken and other stuff

I've decided I like Sundays. A whole week out of rescue!

Goods things in my first week - two new laps to sit in, bonios, interesting walks, a nice garden, a rubber bone, a tennis ball with a rope on the end, a new internet friend called Royce and best of all the wonderful smell of roast chicken currently wafting from the oven, I've got to figure out a way to get my paws on it before they eat it all.

Tricky situations - the bed problem (still no luck), the humans insisting on toys being returned to their feet (very undignified) surely it's more fun chasing round the garden with them in your mouth?

All in all I think I've land squarely on four paws, of course the girls at the centre did their best to make me feel at home but you can't beat your own sofa.

Got to rush now I think the chickens nearly ready.

The Boomarang thingy

An interesting day today, unfortunately I'm still on the expanding lead at present so opportunities for slipping under the odd field gate are limited. The humans keep throwing things for me to pick up, pretty routine stuff for a fast retriever like me. Anyway this afternoon they produced of all things a boomarang, well even I know that's supposed to come back of its own accord. Anyway I fetched it a few times just to humour them then I danced away with it just for a lark. Well I can tell you it didn't go down very well, these humans are very slow at chasing games and after a few laps of the garden they gave up and went inside, leaving me like a chump in the garden on my todd.

Whatever next!!!!

THE ROLLS ROYCE

Here are some great pictures of the very handsome Royce. Thanks for the advice on handling the humans - it's nice to know you've been out of rescue for so long.

Training the humans!

Well, what can I say these humans are very slow on the uptake. I am trying to train them but it's a bit of an uphill struggle. I still can't take my rightful place on the bed at night and now it seems that my exuberant barking and leaping in the car is also frowned upon. On the plus side however I have a new bone (unfortunately the top on the squeeky carrot didn't stand up to a bit of good old fashioned chewing and it seems to have disappeared - personally I blame the health and safety police). So all in all I can't complain too much.

If any other rescue dogs out there have any tips on training the servants I would be pleased to hear from them (photos welcome).

Charlie (alias Wolfie) dog.